Lunedi Lunacy - Ain't Air Travel Fun?

Given that
a) I'm afraid of flying
b) you have to be at airports 2-3 hours ahead these days
c) most airports are miles from the city
d) Airline staff get nasty if you don't spend 25 minutes trying to figure out the Express Check-in machines
e) I prefer trains
f)You pay extra for almost everything,

its a wonder that I fly anywhere. But fly I do - Madrid, London, Palermo and Vienna so far this year - and on occasion I've used a low cost airline - some of you may recall the fun I had with my friends at Vueling on my trip to Madrid in January.

Now I know that Ryanair has had a lot of bad press but I must admit the flights I took with them to London - well okay 40 kms outside London - and back were fine. I mean I got there and back. The £5.00 sandwich was almost fresh and the £2.50 coffee with whitener was hot. And I did understand part of the safety announcement the young Russian flight attendant made - I think!

But someone has decided to go head to head in direct competition with them for, if nothing else, cheesy website and obscure city airports codes. Next time I think I'll take:



A left click will take you to their hundreds of obscure destinations and services that give "minimal" a new dimension. As my good friend Benjamin at Vueling told me: "Sir, you have to realize that the minute you book a ticket on a low cost airline you are getting what you pay for. We cut corners, its as simple as that. You can't expect service."

Many thanks to my opera colleague Faye for putting me on to this one.

31 maggio -Visitazione della Beata Vergine

No Baggage Carry On - Part the Second

By late that afternoon the bag had still not arrived and a call to Vueling put me in contact with my friend Pilar once again. My bag had missed the first delivery and could not be sent out but was in the delivery service's hands and would be delivered the next morning. Why it had missed subsequent deliveries was never explained. Pilar assured me that Vueing would cover any of my expenses up to and including a new suit if I needed it. I wondered how that fit in with the E50 a day I had been quoted and how binding Pilar's promise was. Laurent was pretty sure we could find a suit at E50, he just wasn't sure he wanted to be seen with me in it.

The next morning once again Benjamin and I had another one of our little chats and he assured me that the bag would be delivered that day without fail. It was in the care of the delivery company even as we spoke. Laurent suggested that another shirt would be needed but I had faith in Pilar and Benjamin and their promises of delivery. Sadly when I got back to the hotel I found a message suggesting that they could not make delivery on those promises of the promised delivery!

My bag had not been given to the delivery company after all but was still at the airport and could be claimed there. Once again Benjamin and I had a conversation and for the first time I lost my temper. I know how hard it is to deal with passengers - I did it and trained people to do it for 33 years. All I really wanted to know was why I had been led up and down the airport taxiway and why, since that is obviously what they wanted me to do all along, Vueling hadn't told me to go to the airport in the first place. I would have been upset but no where near as upset as I was. Then Benjamin told me the truth and I will quote from him, "Sir, you have to realize that the minute you book a ticket on a low cost airline you are getting what you pay for. We cut corners, its as simple as that. You can't expect service." Finally an honest, if perhaps unhappy, Vueling employee - side note to Vueling, you might want to get Benjamin to take that loyalty oath again! When I mentioned that actually I had paid E10 for baggage service he hung up on me. I called back immediately and was told by his friend Ana that Benjamin was on break and she couldn't help me anymore than he had - which was fascinating as I hadn't even told her who I was - obviously by now I was a known quantity at Vueling baggage call center in Barcelona.

So I packed myself into a cab - an obliging driver dodged the Madrid Marathon traffic snags and E40 later I was at the Vueling baggage counter. Wonder of wonder! Miracle of Miracles! Juan was expecting me. With soothing voice he assured me that Vueling would cover my taxi costs and generously allow me E50 a day for each day my bag was lost. So much for that snazzy suit Pilar promised me. I was too tired to argue with Juan - Vueling had defeated me, I was the enemy and they had beat me into submission. Meekly I hailed another cab and E35 later was in my room unpacking 11 pairs of jockies - note to self check what happened to the missing pair.

Now I have learned three things on this trip that you would think after years as both an airline employee and a traveller I would have known by now. First: I over-pack and that like Noah it is possible to make a four if not forty day voyage with just two of everything: jockeys, socks, pants, shirts provided your hotel has a laundry service - sorry I will not wash underwear in the same sink I shave at! Second: the airline business is no longer what it use to be if indeed it ever was. Third: For god's sake man grow up! You trained people to tell these half-truths to customers don't be surprised when they do the same to you!

I am completing this post on the flight back from Madrid - my baggage - heavier now by 2 pairs of jockeys, 4 pairs of socks, two pairs of cords and a shirt - has once again been entrusted to Vueling. I'll let you know what happens when I get to Fumicino. Then once ensconced in my home sweet home I will contact Vueling and ask for, but not expect, reimbursement for clothing, laundry and taxis. In the meantime this tale will go the rounds of colleagues, friends and even the odd enemy as a warning and I will use those words that Benjamin so thoughtfully provided me with: You are getting what you paid for. You can't expect service.

04 gennaio - Sant'Elisabetta Anna Bayley Seton

No Baggage Carry On - Part the First

Yes I know with the current situation in North America you are thinking "shouldn't that read no carry-on baggage"? No, I'm talking Europe here and given the few days I've just spent in Madrid without luggage and dealing with Vueling Airlines that title is 100% correct.

Let me backtrack a bit. Laurent and I decided to spend New Year's in Madrid this year - our trip to Barcelona in April was the first time either one of us had been in Spain and we wanted to explore it a bit more. ( Just a sidebar based on two cities and as a visitor only Spain in now top of the list for preferred countries in Europe.) We had taken Vueling on that trip and the service had been more than acceptable so we booked them again. Since I tend to travel heavy - hey 12 pairs of jockeys for 4 days is not unreasonable I took my mother's warning about clean underwear seriously - we each booked and paid for a checked bag.

Two weeks before the trip I get an e-mail from our holiday carrier saying:

At Vueling we want to give you a gift!

We know you’re going to fly with us these holidays and we want to make it easy for you. So that you can fly more comfortably and aren’t so loaded down, we’re giving you free check-in of one suitcase. Furthermore, if you have hand luggage that respects the established rules, you can check it in at no cost.

All of us together can make your flights more comfortable and punctual.

Well isn't that a nice seasonal gesture thought I in a moment of irrational charity so I fired off a message saying thanks very much so how do I recoup the money I've already given you? I received a speedy reply from Pushpa Rohrbach and was told that no refund could be given but if I wanted to take another bag I was welcome to do so. A chip in this wall of charity led me to suggest to them that the wording of their little e-mail promised a bit more than that and asked why I was sent the offer if it did not apply. Again I get a speedy response saying that it was against company policy to refund the money already paid. Now there was an enormous chink in that charitable wall so I sent off a quick response mentioning that I had not requested a further refund just wanted to know why I had received the offer and suggesting that it was misleading and badly worded. Again Pushpa replied with her needle obviously stuck in a groove that they would not refund what I had already paid. At that point I realized I was dealing in dead ends so dropped the issue.

But it would appear that Vueling is a company of dead ends.

The day of our departure we arrived at Fumicino to check-in an hour and a half before our flight. Should they ever want a picture of chaos for the dictionary the Vueling counter that morning would be a leading contender. There was no line to speak off - what line? do you see a line? I don't see a line? There's a line? And only because Laurent pushed ahead did we reach a counter in time to check-in for our flight. And in fine Fumicino tradition the baggage belts were jammed and not functioning to capacity. We were amongst the first on board and at departure time the aircraft was only half full. Then the expected announcement that the flight would be delayed as we were waiting for late arriving passengers. Hell I worked for an airline for 33 years I know what holiday travel can be like so a bit of a delay is no big deal. Eventual we took off, the flight was pleasant, the crew good and traveling smooth - keep in mind I take drugs to fly!

As calm and organized as Fumicino is hysterical and chaotic, Madrid Airport is a model for airports around the world. Our wait at the sleek modern baggage carousel was brief and within minutes 30 bags had appeared - then nothing. But a very pleasant young man in a Vueling uniform appeared and informed us that the rest of the baggage had been left behind in Roma. Now it is interesting that the Captain - who would have been aware of the fact from weight and balance figures and would have received an in-flight message - never mentioned it but then given his audience he may not have wanted a scene at 33,000 feet. Laurent had his - thank god as that had all our toiletry bags in it, however my 12 pairs of jockeys were amongst the missing. Surprisingly a rather orderly line formed in front of a young lady who took information and asked where the luggage was to be sent and we headed into the city having been told it would be delivered to us the minute it arrived. Ah the lies that airline people tell and the god who is rewarding me for teaching them how to tell them.

That evening I spoke with Pilar - Pilar and I were to become very close in the next few days - at Vueling's baggage service. She reported that there was not word yet and but they would cover purchases up to E50.00 a day for those missing jockeys. So we headed out to El Corte Inglés and stocked up on a few essentials - jockeys, socks and while I was at it I could hardly resist the sale on cords and a very nice shirt. When I returned to the hotel later that night there was a message that my luggage was at the airport and could be claimed there.

The next morning I phoned and had a pleasant chat with Benjamin -Benjamin and I were also to become very close in the next few days. Benjamin assured me that he would instruct the airport to send the bag out on the first delivery that day - so high of heart and knowing I had Benjamin's promise and would soon have fresh clothing I headed out into the driving rain to see the Palacio Real.

Oh foolish Man!

03 gennaio - Santissimo Nome di Gesù